The Surprising Science of Happiness by Dan Gilbert
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Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won’t have to hunt for happiness. ~ William E. Gladstone, British Prime Minister, 1892 – 1894
What is real happiness? Is happiness that we make up true happiness?
According to social psychologist, Dan Gilbert, there are 2 kinds of happiness. One is natural happiness which we experience when we get what we want and the other is synthetic happiness which we manufacture when we don’t get what we want.
Here’s a question for you: Is one better than the other?
Let’s find out.
In denial or truly happy?
I am sure you have heard about people who after experiencing a bad event or a disappointing setback tells others and themselves that they are better off despite not getting what they want and that they wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.
Well, it turns out that these people aren’t overt-optimists who are in denial about their misfortune. It turns out that their “synthetic” happiness did make them happy. For real.
In his Ted Talk, social psychologist Dan Gilbert talks about people fabricating happiness after not getting what they want or experiencing a real nasty experience such as being wrongly convicted and served decades worth of a jail sentence for something he has not done.
The sentiment expressed by the man who was wrongly convicted was that it was a “glorious experience”. Really? Surely that is not the right feelings to have after serving time for so long for something you did not do?
Naturally, we think that these people must be lying to themselves, they can’t be truly happy with their experience but we could be wrong….
Using unconscious memory to test happiness
Well, in an experiment Gilbert conducted on patients with anterograde amnesia who cannot form new memories he first asked the patients to rate a lineup of 6 Monet prints from 1 being the least-liked to 6 being the most-liked. Then, he told them that as a gift they would be given either print number 3 or 4 as a gift and most of them picked number 3 over 4 just because of preference. The researchers then left the room and returned (bear in mind that the patients do not remember the research team nor what transpired before) and the patients was asked again to rank the 6 paintings from least-liked to most-liked.
Here’s the interesting bit:
The individuals now rank the number 3 painting at number 2, higher than before and the number 4 painting which was rejected was now ranked even lower than before at number 5. The results indicated that they are happier with the painting they had owned more than before and they liked the rejected painting even less even though they do not have any conscious memory of the paintings.
With this experiment, Gilbert found that individuals make their own synthetic happiness unconsciously. Gilbert also found that this unconscious ability to synthesize happiness happens more often in situations where we do not have control over the situation.
In essence, we are really good at making ourselves feel better about an outcome that occurs from a situation that is out of our hands.
Now, what does this mean for you and why should you pay any attention?
Here are 3 reasons why you should pay attention:
1. Synthetic happiness is not fake. It is not something you make up when you are pissed off about not getting what you want. Synthetic happiness is a natural mechanism we all have in our brains that lets us see a not-so-ideal situation in a different light and learn to like our situation which in turns does let us become happier in time to come.
2. The ability to synthesize happiness is a vital skill to have because we cannot have everything we want all of the time. The truth is we will all face disappointment at some points in our life and we need to be able to manufacture happiness and become adept at seeing the better side of life.
Here’s a point to ponder: clinically-depressed individuals do not have the ability to synthesize happiness in most situations of their lives and that is why they find it harder to see the greener side of life.
3. We often grossly overestimate or underestimate how naturally happy we will feel in any situation. Truth is we will only truly know how happy we will feel and continue to feel when we are actually experiencing thus being able to synthesize happiness helps us cope with the uncertainty of our future outcome.
In Conclusion:
The joyful state that we feel is made up of both synthetic and natural happiness. Neither is better than the other because to lead a balanced life we need both: Natural happiness lets us experience the good stuff and synthetic happiness lets us adapt and appreciate what we do have when the outcome is less than ideal. When you start exercising the ability to synthesize happiness, you may find that some situations are not as terrible as they appear at first.
Can you think of a time when you synthesized happiness? What event caused you to synthesize happiness at the time and did the feeling of happiness continued?
Share your comments below.
Purpose in Happiness
There is so much to say when you are happy. You want to climb the highest mountain and shout to everyone what they have and are missing. Your enthusiasm is so great and energy level is so high!!! Your soul wants to scream. Sadly there are the majority of people that do not accept this type of openness. We are a very few and far between. I have my weaknesses and my shortcomings. I curse like a marine and drink like an alcoholic. I lose my temper and rant about the silly things and as I am on a rant I start to laugh and realize that the energy I am expending is better suited for laughter instead of anger. We learn as we go. My uncle Fr. Roberto Quinonez was always positive. He was truly happy. He loved people. He served in the jungles of Peru for 18 years serving the poor. Those so called poor that had very little and yet had more than we did. In the jungles they built themselves a paradise. Giant house huts made of bamboo high in the trees. Beautiful rooms and living spaces. The people were amazing. At 15 I had the experience of a lifetime. I could go on about the experience but I would get away from the richness of the lesson I learned. Everyone I met and observed in that country taught me the true meaning of happiness especially my uncle Beto. He was an amazing man. He loved everyone and it was reciprocated tenfold. He gave of himself like no one else I have ever seen at that point in my life other than my Grandmother. A saint! Another story…damn that’s a novel in itself the unselfishness she had for others. She let her own family rob her mattress. The Bank. She kept all of her money there. She always knew who took a dollar here and there. She would tell me and giggle.
Love. My uncle and grandmother gave of themselves truly unconditionally. They loved unconditionally. Very few people know the true definition of that word. I knew of it my whole life and was always on a journey to find that world where everyone was respectful of each other. I always was disappointed in people and situations when I put myself in search of that feeling.
I always tried to mimic the wonderful things my uncle did for people. My temper always got in the way. I was too judgmental. I always figured something was wrong with everyone else but not me. The problem was with me all along and all I need to do was love. I walked away from wonderful friendships because I did not know the word forgiveness. I left beautiful women with huge hearts and purpose in their life and I thought something was wrong with them. I blew off co-workers and acquaintances because I perceived them in attack mode towards me. I had my perceptions all wrong. I still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to loving others and accepting fully the richness of our differences. I was taught a very young age of a man that walked this earth that hated religion and people who judged others, people who did not love one another as equals being connected. He taught the masses to love and more importantly to love and finally he taught them how to love. Basically he was teaching how to love. And yet after all that redundant teaching you would think the masses received the lesson and reciprocated…. he was murdered. He was killed in spite of all the love he showed. In his last breath he begged his father to forgive all those that hurt him. He was a true loving person. He loathed religion and yet his followers created a religion(s) in his name cursing and judging others. Putting fear in the hearts and minds of families and children. Am I upset? No but I am aware that love is the unconditional force that connects all of us through all weather and storm. I struggle with generalizing my love, applying it to everyone and everything. It takes courage to accept and hold dear the human condition. We are all different and are exposed to different environments which dictate our opinions and life’s passions. We all have the opportunity to create anything we want regardless of our experience and challenges. Yet sometimes we choose to justify our fear and failures with our challenges and fears.
We do not have a purpose in our minds because we are so afraid to follow our calling and passion. It is funny it took me just short of 50 years of my life to figure out my dreams and visions were a calling. I thought it was an unattainable thought. It all begins with thought and then a dream. And then the dream turns in to passion. It is all we think about and then we get tired of dreaming and hoping that we pull up our big person pants and take a chance. And then another…we fail over and over until we satisfy one day the burning desire to succeed. Success is measured in my mind by the completeness I feel inside for achieving something I love.
I love helping others. I love helping THAT someone that appreciates themselves and wants to improve. I love helping those people that are tired of looking in the mirror at the waste they created of a human being. And now they want to become more. The only thing standing in their way is their inability to be happy. That is where I and others like me come in. We teach one simple thing. Make a choice to be happy. That’s it. Make a conscious choice to BE happy. Not act happy but BE the essence of happiness. Inside out not outside in. We were given those gifts to overcome as a birthright by our creator. It is physically impossible for us to accept death without a purpose. There are heroes made from purpose and failures. Failures in attempts and purpose in what motivated them to succeed.
Look in the mirror. See a true hero. Be brave and accept Happiness. I tell people we all have a choice to be happy or the opposite. Right now I am pushing 50, overweight, cant breather right, hair is falling out, teeth are grinding and getting smaller, cant cant cant……is a part of my vocabulary more than any time in my life. On the flipside…I have an amazing job. I help some amazing people get through their day because they have to be there to make a living to feed and help support themselves and family. I get to watch everyone start their day sad and then they have to deal with me being silly all day. Hugging and kissing them until they either turn me in to HR or smile. If they smile and then turn me in it was worth it. It has happen. It had purpose to the madness. I also have the privilege of mentoring several individuals on the level of happiness they currently reside in if any at all.I Have been blessed to be called Papa(grandpa) by 6 amazing little boys. I have beautiful children that all make me proud to be their father. I have found someone to stand by me patiently accepting me for who I am one hundred percent non-judgmental and unconditionally loving me. Supporting me when my emotions take over and I become the Jeckyll to my Hyde. Life is funny with loss, you get it back.
Mentoring happiness is an amazing feeling. I watch people come from crying everyday to learning how to laugh and be happy in any situation. So many emotions run through me when I see progress. All I want is for them to realize that the decision to be happy is their hands. The happiness they crave and hope for is not predicated on external vices and situations. Nor is it reliant on an individual or in an expectation of a circumstance. We have that control to develop our own perceptions as our OWN. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure it out, all it takes is someone to love you and guide you towards a warm hug and encouragement. We can all be that light for anyone. We do not need a license or PHD. All we need is Love. The kind of love that my grandmother uncle Beto and Jesus Christ taught. These wonderful figures in my life were always instrumental in getting me through rough challenges in my life. I am thankful to my family. I am thankful for the brave man on that cross using himself as a purpose to teach us Love. He loved us that much to be THE example. There have been recordings of other amazing prophets, teachers and saints all justified ion their own write as the figure in their life that empowers them. I am not going to sit here and judge what is right from wrong and ask you to change your belief system. That is up to you and your research. If you have not done research start moving.
I am here to give my opinion on how happiness is achieved. I know I was redundant in my articulation of ideas and philosophy…. But I am trying. Who isn’t? Someone HAS to do it. Someone has to give up a little of their time to plant the seeds of a happy philosophy in people’s hearts. I hope I have done that for you. I will be writing more.
I am ranting. If you are a follower of my writings from my previous blog then you’ll understand. I am not going to try and make it pretty. I am going to make it honest.
I love you.
LIFE
Life is so precious. Life is like what a painting is to an artist. So precious. So valuable. So much effort and passion goes into living that we will do anything to keep it. We are so delicate as humans. We are precious. We live for today and yet we do not appreciate. We diminish the importance of the present and expect tomorrow. We are selfish. I love my life today. I am in love with my breath that I take. I see the future up to the next moment. I see happiness and joy. I try with all my strength to defer the uncomfortable situations to tomorrow. Because if I wait until tomorrow to worry and I am not alive I spent today relishing in my joy without distractions. If I make it to tomorrow and have to face that discomfort… chances are that it will work itself out or, my joy will gain strength and I can deal better. I can have more strength to inspire and love the people around me to deal with it together. We are all connected and have to take into consideration everyone that lives those moments with us. We have to encourage and inspire. I have someone to encourage me every day. Thank you my Precious Lord. Thank you my precious Love.
I repeat a lot of the same mumbo jumbo in my blogs. I know that some do not want to read the truth and have their own thinking. I respect that. I respect it to the point of, it is my blog and if they do not want to return then it is what it is. If you return then you are with me in this wonderful journey and we are allies. We can feel positive thoughts together. We can encourage one another with good vibes. We can ask our Lord and Savior to send reminders of our joy and what we are made of. We can remember that wonderful man on the cross many years ago who was the ultimate positive person that walked this earth and tried to show us the secret to life. And we did not see what was obvious. He taught it so simply. His message was very basic. So many generations of so called teachers and smart religious people have distorted the basic message of LOVE. Why? I really do not care why anymore as I spent most of my life worrying about why. Then I read and read. And one day. BAM! I am happy. I feel joy. I love being alive. I can look in the mirror and love the handsome person looking at me. I can be free of my guilt. I can release all of the shame that others have dumped on me without regret of their own. I can be free of the shackles that my environment has brainwashed me with. I can truly be happy. I can fill myself up with this endless joy that I was born with. I want to shout this to everyone starting with you. I love you. Listen up. Lesson number one. Quit your whining.
The Time Is NOW. Create that Joy.
At a certain time in our lives we start to question everything. That point in time is different for everyone. Some go through this period of enlightenment early on when they reach adulthood and figure it out and appreciate the rest of their lives. Some live the majority of their adult life working hard, stressed out, being responsible, putting everyone around them first and sacrificing their happiness for the well being of others not realizing that they can have all of it. Some spend their whole lives and realize everything was about their joy when they are in their twilight years. Then watching their grandchildren grow and loving them opens their eyes and they try desperately to teach their children not to make the same mistakes. Like I said these are just a few examples of how we find ourselves at different stages of our lives.
We all have the capacity to love, laugh and live on a daily basis. Enjoying our life regardless if your the only one in your world living that way. We can try and shove this information in our loved ones faces and teach them how to be happy. Show them how to love everyone around them. Explain to them that grudges and hate is useless. Lead by example to display our love for even our enemies. Sometimes the relationships we are around are toxic. The people we love are so much a part of us that we cannot abandon them. We love them. We would do anything for them. How do we keep our composure? I deal with this question everyday. I want to be happy everyday. I want to feel joy 24 hours a day. I want to be able to talk to someone that wants the same thing and feels the way I do. Is that possible? Whether or not it is possible I am going to feel joy. I will block out the anxiety I feel from these people in my life that claim they are happy and feeling joy. I will move forward past them and be happy inside. I will proclaim victory at the end of the day when I lay my head because In the end it my be my last time and I would not want to waste that day listening to the whining and bitching. We need to be stronger. We need to be happy.
Changes to our conscious is so important. We need to quit filling our subconscious(soul) shit from above so to speak. We need to fill our soul with thoughts of joy and hope. Expect to have a great and wonderful productive day exploring the possibilities for which we were created for. We are here to make amazing strides in humanity. We are here to love and love everyone. To challenge each other to heal each other with love and kindness. Forgiveness takes bravery. It takes courage to stand in front of someone who has caused you pain with a smile and feel no pain. I am not saying go look for that individual. What I am saying is face that memory head on and wipe the pain away. Do not let that memory continue to destroy your day or the tomorrows before they can be created. We are to create wondeful days for ourselves. We are to make ourselves joyful.
Where is the rulebook that tells us we are to be victims of our ownselves making hell for one another? Where does it say we are suppose to hate. As children we are innocent. We are love in its purest form. We should carry that throughout our lives. Acknowledge, learn, file it, move on! those of you edumacated people who have a smart answer that you learned in school kiss my ass. Analyze, judge what you want. Use that expensive education to tell me otherwise. But…I’ll tell you that the strength we need to overcome our problems that we create for ourselves is within us. Solving these hard matters of the heart and mind are answered if we just look inside. We all have the capacity for so much yet we sell ourselves short and pay someone or give up as the answer. Drugs is the pacifier or just to get by the day. Deal with it tomorrow I am to busy right now pill. I know so many hypocrites in my life. The first one is in the mirror. The next one is close by. The other one is even closer. Why do we lie to ourselves and our loved ones. Why do we tell our children one thing and do the opposite of what we taught?
In closing. Because my random thoughts are giving me a headache. Because What I really want to say is too blunt and naming names is bad for my KARMA. Yes. I said Karma. If it is a name to call that what goes around comes around. I got it out as to teach all of you to quit wasting time hating, hurting, selfdestructing, cutting, hiding, ignoring, abusing, victimizing, allowing, faking, crying, bashing, trashing, crashing…… tell your friend the pill, the pipe, the bottle and whoever else helps you forget that you want to remember and feel what it is that you will recognize what it is you are never going to let control your life again. Let it go my loved ones. Let it go. Let the joy reside. Let that joy be addictive. Allow that JOY to overcome and infiltrate every part of your life and quit making excuses as to why you wont. Let that loved one in your life know that they can be pittiful of they want but you will be happy and remind them everyday they have to look at you smiling that they are sad. Thats it.