Joy

The Fear of Happiness can Cause a Lack of Passion in Your Life!

Passion is usually a pathway to joyful activities. When you engage in joyful activities it is natural to want to continue with those activities. In order to do so you must face certain realities about your life:

You may find yourself coming face to face with obstacles. Those things which are a part of your day-to-day life and work against your ability to follow your passion and preventing your long term happiness.

Resolving those things in your life which block your happiness forces you to confront aspects of your life and yourself which you have been avoiding…or worse, you were not aware of!

You may discover that you have a fear of happiness.

The reason for this is passion often draws your attention to those things in your life which are making you unhappy. Sound like the opposite of what passion is supposed to do? Let me explain:

You may be afraid of facing the reality that your long term happiness is going to require making changes in your life! Here’s the real kicker:

You probably already know exactly what those changes are. You’ve known all along. Because you have known and have chosen not to confront those issues the passion and energy in your life has, over time, drained away.

It’s easier to avoid experiencing passion altogether than to face the truth!

You find yourself avoiding the uncomfortable questions like:

“Will I be able to continue to do what I love and what makes me happy?”

“What in my life works against my being able to do what I love?”

“Am I willing to change those things in my life which prevent my happiness?”

Real happiness may require you to change something in your life.

The thought of making that change or any other changes can seem both overwhelming and terrifying at the same time. This is the underlying cause of the fear of happiness. Denial.

Most people will deny facing the truth about their unhappiness because the thought of having to change is too scary. It is easier to self-medicate with everything from alcohol to drugs and distractions to avoid dealing with change.

Using alcohol and drugs is pretty obvious so I’m not going to dwell on those issues…

What isn’t as obvious is how easy it is to avoid dealing with the truth by using distractions.

Distractions come in many shapes and flavors. Many of them can even come disguised as a fleeting interest we may have for something. It’s a disguise because real passion has a way of always forcing us to eventually deal with the truth of ourselves.

A distraction will never do this that’s why it’s called a distraction. If you have a fear of happiness you will avoid anything which may stimulate real passion.

Few people want to be placed into a situation where they have to honestly assess the quality of their lives.

Following your passion has a way of doing this. It will always make you judge certain aspects of your life. If something brought you joy and fulfillment wouldn’t you want to continue that experience?

Wouldn’t you very quickly find yourself facing any roadblocks in your life which would act to limit that joy and fulfillment? You would be faced with having to consider what the roadblocks were and whether or not the continuation of your joy and happiness was worth confronting those issues.

Being afraid to confront the issues which are the roadblocks to your happiness is often greater than the fear of not being happy.

It is for this very reason most people will choose not to allow themselves to indulge in thoughts or feelings that could possibly lead them to confronting the core issues which are the real barriers to their happiness.

Being afraid to think and feel certain things is often a symptom of the greater fear of facing those things in your life which keep you from your joy and fulfillment. This is why the lack of passion in your life may really be a fear of happiness.

Bob Baran – Fear of Happiness (article)

The day you run out of excuses

is the day your life changes…

Here are six ways you can control your very own happiness:

1. Let happiness be the first thing you emotionally choose when you wake up

People who are always happy, are happy for one main reason: they make it their daily goal. Happiness can be poorly understood- happiness is not an object that sits on your nightstand. It does not wait for you to wake up, to have you put it on after you brush your teeth and put on your watch. Happiness is not an object- it is a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions. Happiness needs you to come to it. It needs to be your goal, each and everyday. Choose it. Own it. At the end of the day, fall asleep knowing that you have accomplished at least one important thing at the day: you chose happiness out of all emotions and you will continue to choose happiness to be one of your life’s top goals.

2. Appreciate those small moments

Happiness doesn’t always stem from grand things. Yes, that overtime that had hit your bank account at midnight last night will be spent on past due bills and extra cash to spend on yourself – that always feels good. However, that moment of happiness is only temporary. When you wake up and see the notification on your phone that your direct deposit had made it to your bank account at 12:00 am, that feeling of happiness will leave you as fast as it came, because as we know, materialistic belongings tend to fade, wear out and our happiness wears and fades too. Cherish small moments. We often take for granted the two minutes here, or the six minutes there. But, if you pay close enough of attention, you will experience a longer linger of happiness when you take a hike and stop to see the rush of the water run down the waterfall. The smell of the water hitting the rocks, and the splashing of the water hitting your face- only happiness you will feel. Show gratitude for small moments. They are experiences that will never wear and tear on us.

3. Practice Self-Love

Loving yourself is so very important because it is remembering where our power is. First we take in the love of the Universe. Secondly, we give ourselves more of that love. When we begin to be filled with this abundance of love, we then pour it into the hearts of others. Self-Love takes practice and patience. It is hard to grasp the concept of loving yourself when there has been one too many times where the Universe has convinced us that we were not worthy of love. However, you are. Find love in yourself and you will soon begin to prove the Universe wrong- you are deserving of your own love. Once you have that, then you will be ready to love others, unconditionally. Remember, it starts with “me” so that we can one day build a strong “we”.

4. Find new interests that bring you happiness

The other day I sat at a bookstore, I ordered an espresso and I read a book. I was at peace with my inner-being. My mind was clear. I was not thinking about the laundry I needed to start, or the dishwasher I needed to empty. My mind was captivated by the peace that filled my inner-being. I sat in that bookstore for three hours- it was the best three hours spent. When I was driving home, I had thought to myself, “I was content, comfortable and happy.” And, I was. Before I went to bed, I wrote down another day in my planner to plan trip to the bookstore. It is my new interest. Find yours!

5. Practice mindfulness I was guilty lacking this specific practice myself. Just until a few months ago, I had realized the absolute importance of mindfulness. Being mindful is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you are mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a far. This consists of no judging them good nor bad. This takes practice. Meditation is one technique that I highly recommend. It has helped me therapeutically- having past issues with understanding my emotions, how to handle them all at once, and over thinking where they were coming from and why I was feeling them- meditating has taught me that you do not have to sit close to them. But observe them. Be awake. Listen to them. Lean into them. Be mindful.
6. Always keep reaching

Success is not handed to us. On our eighteenth birthday, we do not open a gift of success. Success is driven by dedication, hard work, perseverance and the ability to always keep reaching. I believe that there comes a point in our lives where we tend to stop reaching for the endless possibilities. Maybe because we have been rejected before, not been “good enough” or “qualified enough” for the job we desperately wanted. Or maybe we have personal beliefs that if we reach for something that we think is out of our reach, we will be end up feeling not good enough or competent enough, like all of the other times you have been rejected or told so. If I can give you any advice: please, never let your letdowns, rejections or failures, determine your future successes. Keep reaching, always. Never put your hand down because someone once made you feel you were not qualified enough to have it out and raised in the first place. Success is in your control- so let it be.

I am so afraid of closing my eyes tonight and not knowing. Will I wake from a comfortable sleep? I close my eyes trusting that I will wake rested. Since I do not dream I would not feel myself slipping away. I fall into an imaginary realm of fantasy and memories. Where is that place we fall into? Sometimes I fall asleep and wake and the most recent memory was closing my eyes and yet I am rested and ready to go. Once I was knocked unconscious and did not remember anything of how I was knocked out. Will I leave this consciousness and slip into nothingness one day? Close my eyes and nothing? I am so terrified of this reality. Is this a reality? Will it happen that way? I have read so many books regarding this transformation from life to death. I have attended church to hear the speaker (priest, pastor, minister, etc…) telling us how afterlife will be. What is after? What is the guarantee? I have observed many different variations of the story of death and afterlife and what to expect. What is the truth? Whose story is right? One thought is more right than the other. Does one have a more compelling argument?

Do the people that grow up in the violence and war-torn countries think about death the way we do? Or is it an accepted idea that they will suffer a horrible death one way or another and they have accepted their fate? I imagine they have no control over it so therefore they do not enjoy their days. Their days are spent worried and preparing for their anticipated death. Instead of celebrating the life they currently have. Sometimes it is a catch 22 because we think of how we should be thankful for the life we have and yet the quality of our lives might not be as one would describe quality life. Everyone has an opinion. We all have experienced different levels of living. I can name so many points in our human history where children are exposed to so many different variations of life. Enslavement, work farms, concentrations camps, sweat shops, human trafficking….I can go on but it is mortifying to think that I can sit here and tell you appreciate your life you have and it is a perception of how you see things. A cow and a chicken know their fate. They are to be eaten in most societies. A snail crossing a busy path knows they will be stepped on by a human. How do we perceive death? A daily routine with the knowledge of a set expectation of certain death? Certain death….This is such a sure thing that we can almost assure ourselves a seat on the ride out of our consciousness.

Imprisoned in fear? Can we be happy regardless? Can we make a decision to be happy and appreciate the small things in a certain vulnerable state of mind of fear? Can we decide to be happy headed a million miles an hour towards a wall? Time is not stopping and we are headed towards our fate every moment we have life and breathe. If it as certain and sure why are we worried? Is it morals? Have we been convinced that we are certainly going to a bad place or good place? Are we second guessing and not being fed the correct information? Are we doing the right things to meet our 12 virgins in paradise? Are we going the the yellow brick road one day to meet the OZ on the other side of the curtain?

What are we headed towards? If we have been told we are headed towards something and nothing is there how will we know there is nothing there?> If we close our eyes for good and there is not anything how do we warn the rest of us? Is it fair? Does it matter? IF we are headed towards nothingness and we cannot control it would it drive you crazy knowing that we are just a created from something that is unknown and we have no sure resource to prove either way…… Would we go crazy knowing all of this information? Does it really MATTER?! No. I say no. I will be very happy if and when my faith is validated. If I close my eyes today…I will not lie I will be happy if my soul or essence transforms into another something. This time I hope I remain in that knowledge that I have transformed and it is not a secret again.

What IS a sure thing is, we are here. We will stop breathing and deteriorate and die. We will be something else. We will wither away and become the dirt we were created from. Where will the energy in our system re-appear or float off too? Energy is what holds our atoms together to form our matter. Matter is not solid but atoms clumped together by energy.

Again does it matter in the bigger scope of things as it pertains to our current perceptions of our life right now? No. I say no!

We can change the perceptions. We can change our fear and make it love. Love one another and the situation we are in and thrive. Love and be happy. We always have the choice to be happy and remain in that state of mind. If we cannot control the outcome we can certainly control the way we perceive it. If it is inevitable and we cannot explain it we can be happy and decide it is the right thing to be. A happy feeling is much healthier than a negative fearful feeling which scientifically causes premature death by many ways. Stress causes deterioration of our living cells. There is so many ways to go with this conversation and it is only assumptions and learned ideas. We can disprove and validate so much just by going over all the myths. If we start to talk about the science of death and life we just might make you a God believer.

My last Comment. Science increasingly believes in intelligent design. Look into it. I can only articulate what feels right and make sense. If I do not make sense then our perceptions are going in different directions…or are they? It is your perception that they are or aren’t they……

I Love all of you in any perception!

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance.

But if you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
What is forgiveness?
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
Healthier relationships
Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
Less anxiety, stress and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
Stronger immune system
Improved heart health
Higher self-esteem
Reduce injury to your knuckles from punching that wall.
Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?
When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
What are the effects of holding a grudge?
If you’re unforgiving, you might:
Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present
Become depressed or anxious
Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual beliefs
Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:
Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
Actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you, when you’re ready
Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.