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The Surprising Science of Happiness by Dan Gilbert

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Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won’t have to hunt for happiness.  ~ William E. Gladstone, British Prime Minister, 1892 – 1894

What is real happiness? Is happiness that we make up true happiness?

According to social psychologist, Dan Gilbert, there are 2 kinds of happiness. One is natural happiness which we experience when we get what we want and the other is synthetic happiness which we manufacture when we don’t get what we want.

Here’s a question for you: Is one better than the other?

Let’s find out.

In denial or truly happy?

I am sure you have heard about people who after experiencing a bad event or a disappointing setback tells others and themselves that they are better off despite not getting what they want and that they wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

Well, it turns out that these people aren’t overt-optimists who are in denial about their misfortune. It turns out that their “synthetic” happiness did make them happy. For real.

In his Ted Talk, social psychologist Dan Gilbert talks about people fabricating happiness after not getting what they want or experiencing a real nasty experience such as being wrongly convicted and served decades worth of a jail sentence for something he has not done.

The sentiment expressed by the man who was wrongly convicted was that it was a “glorious experience”. Really? Surely that is not the right feelings to have after serving time for so long for something you did not do?

Naturally, we think that these people must be lying to themselves, they can’t be truly happy with their experience but we could be wrong….

Using unconscious memory to test happiness

Well, in an experiment Gilbert conducted on patients with anterograde amnesia who cannot form new memories he first asked the patients to rate a lineup of 6 Monet prints from 1 being the least-liked to 6 being the most-liked. Then, he told them that as a gift they would be given either print number 3 or 4 as a gift and most of them picked number 3 over 4 just because of preference. The researchers then left the room and returned (bear in mind that the patients do not remember the research team nor what transpired before) and the patients was asked again to rank the 6 paintings from least-liked to most-liked.

Here’s the interesting bit:

The individuals now rank the number 3 painting at number 2, higher than before and the number 4 painting which was rejected was now ranked even lower than before at number 5. The results indicated that they are happier with the painting they had owned more than before and they liked the rejected painting even less even though they do not have any conscious memory of the paintings.

With this experiment, Gilbert found that individuals make their own synthetic happiness unconsciously. Gilbert also found that this unconscious ability to synthesize happiness happens more often in situations where we do not have control over the situation.

In essence, we are really good at making ourselves feel better about an outcome that occurs from a situation that is out of our hands.

Now, what does this mean for you and why should you pay any attention?

Here are 3 reasons why you should pay attention:

1. Synthetic happiness is not fake. It is not something you make up when you are pissed off about not getting what you want. Synthetic happiness is a natural mechanism we all have in our brains that lets us see a not-so-ideal situation in a different light and learn to like our situation which in turns does let us become happier in time to come.

2. The ability to synthesize happiness is a vital skill to have because we cannot have everything we want all of the time. The truth is we will all face disappointment at some points in our life and we need to be able to manufacture happiness and become adept at seeing the better side of life.

Here’s a point to ponder: clinically-depressed individuals do not have the ability to synthesize happiness in most situations of their lives and that is why they find it harder to see the greener side of life.

3. We often grossly overestimate or underestimate how naturally happy we will feel in any situation. Truth is we will only truly know how happy we will feel and continue to feel when we are actually experiencing thus being able to synthesize happiness helps us cope with the uncertainty of our future outcome.

In Conclusion:

The joyful state that we feel is made up of both synthetic and natural happiness. Neither is better than the other because to lead a balanced life we need both: Natural happiness lets us experience the good stuff and synthetic happiness lets us adapt and appreciate what we do have when the outcome is less than ideal. When you start exercising the ability to synthesize happiness, you may find that some situations are not as terrible as they appear at first.

Can you think of a time when you synthesized happiness? What event caused you to synthesize happiness at the time and did the feeling of happiness continued?

Share your comments below.

What is Abundance?

What is the first thing you think when you hear “abundance?” Money? Love? A large circle of friends and family? While we can apply the concept of abundance to all of those aspects of our lives, the essential meaning of abundance is that you are solidly happy with who you are and no external event or situation—whether good or bad—can add or subtract from that happiness.

No one is happy all the time, but when you are truly in a mindset of abundance, you live with balance, hopefulness, and unlimited possibility.

Our innate nature is one of peace and abundance; it comes from within.

Abundance is a way of thinking and of living, even when you have less money, love, or support than you would like. Life delivers a continually changing set of circumstances. Living in abundance can give you a constant source of stability that isn’t based on external things, but you must change your perspective and believe in all the potential that lies within your reach. Abundance is a state of mind. It can’t be lost, taken, or bestowed on you. It is about what brings you joy and fulfillment, not about what you have.

The pursuit of “more,” which is so common in our culture, is not the road to abundance.

Money can, no doubt, make life easier, but it does not buy happiness, as the saying goes. The obsessive pursuit of money can create an imbalance that stands in the way of the kind of abundance that is genuine. If you focus too narrowly on having more money, deeper love, or a wildly successful career and become convinced that those things will “fix” everything, you’ll lose sight of the bigger picture of abundance.

Abundance that concentrates on one thing is destined to create discontent and disappointment.

You must look at every aspect of your life. Pursuing money without bringing the consciousness of abundance to everything in your life will be a fleeting and empty experience. Everything is connected to everything else, so just making loads of money or finding love won’t bring you abundance in the true sense of the word.

To understand abundance and how it can be yours, you have to grasp how the mindset of lack may be playing a role in your life. Lack is the mentality that there’s a shortage or scarcity of good things in life, and then you create fear around that idea. Operating from a place of lack skews the truth of abundance in life and colors your perspective toward hopelessness and futility. Begin to identify how your own fearful thoughts, actions, and behavior may be driven by a belief that says “there’s not enough for me.” Change that belief system and your actions and behavior will follow.

Authentic abundance comes when you have balanced everything in your life, as best as you can. That includes giving away what you have too much of. If you have a lot of love but not enough money, what should you give away? Love. Do you have more money than other things in life? Give away some money! It takes courage and love to give AND to receive. It is all about balance. The things that you want in your life, you must first give away. If you give more hugs, you will get more kisses! You have to break the fear—that is what is causing the lack. Self-sabotage happens when you have too much of something and you become complacent, disconnected, and, sometimes, even greedy.

When you look at abundance with new meaning and discover it inside yourself, there’s no limitation on the extraordinary life that you can experience.

 

Written By Derek O’Neill (His Website)- An internationally acclaimed psychotherapist, motivational speaker, author, martial arts sensei, and humanitarian. He is the author of More Truth Will Set You Free, the “Get a Grip” series of pocket-sized books, several children’s books. Inspired by his worldly travels, he formed SQ Foundation, a not-for-profit organization focused on helping solve global issues facing humanity today. With charitable projects in twelve countries, the Foundation brings food, medicine, education, shelter, and other basic needs to children, families, and communities in need. In 2012, he was honored as Humanitarian of the Year and named International Celebrity Ambassador for Variety International the Children’s Charity.

Purpose in Happiness

There is so much to say when you are happy. You want to climb the highest mountain and shout to everyone what they have and are missing. Your enthusiasm is so great and energy level is so high!!! Your soul wants to scream. Sadly there are the majority of people that do not accept this type of openness. We are a very few and far between. I have my weaknesses and my shortcomings. I curse like a marine and drink like an alcoholic. I lose my temper and rant about the silly things and as I am on a rant I start to laugh and realize that the energy I am expending is better suited for laughter instead of anger. We learn as we go. My uncle Fr. Roberto Quinonez was always positive. He was truly happy. He loved people. He served in the jungles of Peru for 18 years serving the poor. Those so called poor that had very little and yet had more than we did. In the jungles they built themselves a paradise. Giant house huts made of bamboo high in the trees. Beautiful rooms and living spaces. The people were amazing. At 15 I had the experience of a lifetime. I could go on about the experience but I would get away from the richness of the lesson I learned. Everyone I met and observed in that country taught me the true meaning of happiness especially my uncle Beto. He was an amazing man. He loved everyone and it was reciprocated tenfold. He gave of himself like no one else I have ever seen at that point in my life other than my Grandmother. A saint! Another story…damn that’s a novel in itself the unselfishness she had for others. She let her own family rob her mattress. The Bank. She kept all of her money there. She always knew who took a dollar here and there. She would tell me and giggle.

Love. My uncle and grandmother gave of themselves truly unconditionally. They loved unconditionally. Very few people know the true definition of that word. I knew of it my whole life and was always on a journey to find that world where everyone was respectful of each other. I always was disappointed in people and situations when I put myself in search of that feeling.

I always tried to mimic the wonderful things my uncle did for people. My temper always got in the way. I was too judgmental. I always figured something was wrong with everyone else but not me. The problem was with me all along and all I need to do was love. I walked away from wonderful friendships because I did not know the word forgiveness. I left beautiful women with huge hearts and purpose in their life and I thought something was wrong with them. I blew off co-workers and acquaintances because I perceived them in attack mode towards me. I had my perceptions all wrong. I still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to loving others and accepting fully the richness of our differences. I was taught a very young age of a man that walked this earth that hated religion and people who judged others, people who did not love one another as equals being connected. He taught the masses to love and more importantly to love and finally he taught them how to love. Basically he was teaching how to love. And yet after all that redundant teaching you would think the masses received the lesson and reciprocated…. he was murdered. He was killed in spite of all the love he showed. In his last breath he begged his father to forgive all those that hurt him. He was a true loving person. He loathed religion and yet his followers created a religion(s) in his name cursing and judging others. Putting fear in the hearts and minds of families and children. Am I upset? No but I am aware that love is the unconditional force that connects all of us through all weather and storm. I struggle with generalizing my love, applying it to everyone and everything. It takes courage to accept and hold dear the human condition. We are all different and are exposed to different environments which dictate our opinions and life’s passions. We all have the opportunity to create anything we want regardless of our experience and challenges. Yet sometimes we choose to justify our fear and failures with our challenges and fears.

We do not have a purpose in our minds because we are so afraid to follow our calling and passion. It is funny it took me just short of 50 years of my life to figure out my dreams and visions were a calling. I thought it was an unattainable thought. It all begins with thought and then a dream. And then the dream turns in to passion. It is all we think about and then we get tired of dreaming and hoping that we pull up our big person pants and take a chance. And then another…we fail over and over until we satisfy one day the burning desire to succeed. Success is measured in my mind by the completeness I feel inside for achieving something I love.

I love helping others. I love helping THAT someone that appreciates themselves and wants to improve. I love helping those people that are tired of looking in the mirror at the waste they created of a human being. And now they want to become more. The only thing standing in their way is their inability to be happy. That is where I and others like me come in. We teach one simple thing. Make a choice to be happy. That’s it. Make a conscious choice to BE happy. Not act happy but BE the essence of happiness. Inside out not outside in. We were given those gifts to overcome as a birthright by our creator. It is physically impossible for us to accept death without a purpose. There are heroes made from purpose and failures. Failures in attempts and purpose in what motivated them to succeed.

Look in the mirror. See a true hero. Be brave and accept Happiness. I tell people we all have a choice to be happy or the opposite. Right now I am pushing 50, overweight, cant breather right, hair is falling out, teeth are grinding and getting smaller, cant cant cant……is a part of my vocabulary more than any time in my life. On the flipside…I have an amazing job. I help some amazing people get through their day because they have to be there to make a living to feed and help support themselves and family. I get to watch everyone start their day sad and then they have to deal with me being silly all day. Hugging and kissing them until they either turn me in to HR or smile. If they smile and then turn me in it was worth it. It has happen. It had purpose to the madness. I also have the privilege of mentoring several individuals on the level of happiness they currently reside in if any at all.I Have been blessed to be called Papa(grandpa) by 6 amazing little boys. I have beautiful children that all make me proud to be their father. I have found someone to stand by me patiently accepting me for who I am one hundred percent non-judgmental and unconditionally loving me. Supporting me when my emotions take over and I become the Jeckyll to my Hyde. Life is funny with loss, you get it back. 

 

Mentoring happiness is an amazing feeling. I watch people come from crying everyday to learning how to laugh and be happy in any situation. So many emotions run through me when I see progress. All I want is for them to realize that the decision to be happy is their hands. The happiness they crave and hope for is not predicated on external vices and situations. Nor is it reliant on an individual or in an expectation of a circumstance. We have that control to develop our own perceptions as our OWN. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure it out, all it takes is someone to love you and guide you towards a warm hug and encouragement. We can all be that light for anyone. We do not need a license or PHD. All we need is Love. The kind of love that my grandmother uncle Beto and Jesus Christ taught. These wonderful figures in my life were always instrumental in getting me through rough challenges in my life. I am thankful to my family. I am thankful for the brave man on that cross using himself as a purpose to teach us Love. He loved us that much to be THE example. There have been recordings of other amazing prophets, teachers and saints all justified ion their own write as the figure in their life that empowers them. I am not going to sit here and judge what is right from wrong and ask you to change your belief system. That is up to you and your research. If you have not done research start moving.

I am here to give my opinion on how happiness is achieved. I know I was redundant in my articulation of ideas and philosophy…. But I am trying. Who isn’t? Someone HAS to do it. Someone has to give up a little of their time to plant the seeds of a happy philosophy in people’s hearts. I hope I have done that for you. I will be writing more.

I am ranting. If you are a follower of my writings from my previous blog then you’ll understand. I am not going to try and make it pretty. I am going to make it honest.

I love you.

The Complexity of Happiness by Praveen Vaidyanathan

The word happy sounds familiar and doesn’t seem especially philosophical. It expresses a concept called happiness that we assume we understand, at least to some degree. Although it seems so easy, articulating the concept isn’t. In fact, for long as philosophers have been discussing happiness, its definition has been debated.

Happiness is plural. People present happiness in various rubrics and experience it differently. Some find happiness in aims, achievements or acquiring things, others purely on experiences. For one it may mean running barefoot through a dewy grass, for another it’s holding a baby in his arms. Sex can make someone happy, as can a new outfit. Some like monks even experience happiness in the absence of all of these. Each of the above is a valid vision of happiness. Happiness isn’t simple, singular or similar for all. It is perhaps the most complex and subjective term in the English language.

Happiness is changing. People have various conceptions of happiness, and they depend on many factors such as age, gender, region, religion and culture. Jennifer Aaker, a Stanford social psychologist, explains that these conceptions also change from time to time, as they move through their lives. What may seem happy today may not be so tomorrow.

Happiness is paradoxical. For instance, many people commonly equate happiness with fun. Hence, in order to be happy, they believe that their lives need to be full of fun. Unfortunately, this expectation of happiness is never usually realized because always having fun is far from possible; and with the modern society becoming used to more choices and less patience, expectations rise. According to Barry Schwartz, a Swarthmore psychologist, our increasing expectations mean that we are always on a search to appease ourselves. Even if we believe we have the key to happiness within ourselves, our pursuit of it seems to be an external one.

Happiness is shapeless. The beauty of the concept of happiness is that is seems to belong to a virgin fairyland, bleached in nuance and vagueness. This is why the terrain of real life, criss-crossed by pain and beauty and monotony and tears and stress and ideas and eroticism, can have its contours reflected by the shapeless notion of happiness.

The complexity of happiness – with its plural, changing, paradoxical and ambiguous notions – makes it creative fodder, offering endless possibilities to the advertising business. Yet, many use it unthinkingly and often superficially. Happiness as a central theme – with its facets and complexities – deserves more documentation, time, understanding and importance than we credit it. No wonder, Don Draper of Mad Men puts it rightly, ‘Advertising is based on one thing, happiness.

See Praveen Vaidyanathan’s blog at the following link The Complexity of Happiness