love

Forgiveness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance.

But if you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
What is forgiveness?
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
Healthier relationships
Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
Less anxiety, stress and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
Stronger immune system
Improved heart health
Higher self-esteem
Reduce injury to your knuckles from punching that wall.
Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?
When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
What are the effects of holding a grudge?
If you’re unforgiving, you might:
Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present
Become depressed or anxious
Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual beliefs
Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:
Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
Actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you, when you’re ready
Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

Happiness

Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

Now these delegates were let in that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written, within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.

At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon.
Now each one was asked to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

The speaker began— exactly this is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is.

Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness.

And this is the purpose of human life.

Happiness advice from the Dalai Lama

happiness tips from the dalai lama

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness.” — The Dalai Lama

Tenzin Gyatso, His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, is the spiritual and temporal leader of the Tibetan people.  As is illustrated by the quote above, the Dalai Lama believes that the very purpose of our existence is to seek happiness.

“The Art of Happiness – A Handbook for Life” is a book written by psychiatrist Howard C. Cutler based on a series of interviews which he held with the Dalai Lama, and augmented by some of the Dalai Lama’s public talks. It contains tips and advice from the Dalai Lama on how to be happy.

Here are three of the ways recommended by the Dalai Lama for cultivating happiness:

  • Train Your Mind For Happiness
  • Shift Your Perspective
  • Cultivate Compassion and Altruism

You’ll find a detailed explanation of each below.

Happiness Can Be Achieved Through Training the Mind

The Dalai Lama’s approach to happiness relies heavily on learning, reasoning, and training the mind. He explains that through inner discipline we can undergo a transformation of our attitude, our outlook, and our approach to living.

In Buddhism causality is accepted as natural law. Therefore, if there are certain types of events that you do not desire, then the best way of safeguarding against those events taking place is to make sure that the causal conditions that normally give rise to those events don’t arise. Similarly, if there’s an event that you would like to take place, then you should seek the causes and conditions that give rise to that event.

This same principle of causality can be applied to your mental states. If you desire happiness, you should identify those factors which lead to happiness and those factors which lead to suffering. Having done this, you can gradually do the following:

  • Eliminate those factors which lead to suffering from your life.
  • Cultivate those factors which lead to happiness.

That is, one achieves happiness through learning which mental states to cultivate and which to eliminate, and then making a sustained effort to implement this knowledge.

The Dalai Lama explains that education—focused specifically on understanding and implementing the factors that lead to lasting happiness–is crucial because the more sophisticated your knowledge is about what truly leads to happiness and what doesn’t, the more effective you will be in achieving happiness.

As Cutler explains in “The Art of Happiness”, the most distinguishing feature of the Dalai Lama´s method of training the mind involves the idea that positive states of mind can act as direct antidotes to negative states of mind. Positive mental states which lead to happiness include the following:

  • Love
  • Compassion
  • Patience
  • Generosity

Negative mental states which lead to suffering include the following:

  • Hatred
  • Greed
  • Envy
  • Frustration

Deliberately selecting and focusing on positive mental states which lead to happiness, and challenging negative mental states which lead to suffering, requires a systematic training of the mind.

The Dalai Lama also emphasizes that working on our mental outlook is a more effective means of achieving happiness than seeking it through external sources, such as wealth or position. As an illustration that external events are not the source of happiness, Cutler refers in his book to people who win the lottery or experience some other windfall. These pe0ple are elated for a while, and then they go right back to the same level of happiness which they experienced before their sudden rise in wealth.

The approach of focusing on your mental outlook also places the secret to happiness within your own hands, instead of leaving it at the mercy of external factors, most of which are not within your control.

The Dalai Lama summarizes his point as follows:

“As long as there is a lack of the inner discipline that brings calmness of mind, no matter what external facilities or conditions you have, they will never give you the feeling of joy and happiness that you are seeking. On the other hand, if you possess this inner quality, a calmness of mind, a degree of stability within, then even if you lack various external facilities that you would normally consider necessary for happiness, it is still possible to live a happy and joyful life.”

Happiness Can Be Achieved By Shifting Your Perspective

The Dalai Lama goes on to explain that the ability to shift perspective is one of the most powerful and effective tools we have to help us cope with life’s problems. He adds that when problems arise, our outlook often becomes very narrow: we focus all of our attention on worrying about the problem. However, what we should do is shift our perspective by doing the following:

  • Looking for opportunities which could arise from the situation.
  • Taking a wider perspective.
  • Thinking of how things could be worse.

Shifting our perspective can make the problem seem smaller and more manageable.

Difficult situations are often opportunities for growth. Cutler interjects that he worked at a facility in which he had a number of run-ins with the facility’s administrator. These run-ins were instrumental in Cutler’s decision to quit working at that facility. Although at first this appeared to be a negative situation, it ultimately led to Cutler finding more satisfying work.

The Dalai Lama uses the approach of taking a wider perspective when dealing with the situation in Tibet. He explains that if he were to look at the situation in Tibet from a narrow perspective, then the situation looks almost hopeless. However, if he looks at it from a wider worldwide perspective, then he sees an international situation in which communist and totalitarian regimes are collapsing, and even in China there’s a move toward democracy. So he doesn’t give up.

In addition, researchers have conducted a number of experiments which demonstrate that one’s level of life satisfaction can be enhanced simply by shifting one’s perspective and contemplating how things could be worse. How we feel at any given moment has little to do with the conditions themselves, but is rather a function of how we perceive the situation and how satisfied we are with what we have.

When a situation is causing negative emotions, spend some time seriously searching for a different perspective on the situation. A key component to happiness is adopting a flexible, malleable approach to life.

Compassion and Altruism Lead to Happiness

Compassion, the Dalai Lama explains, is a mental attitude based on the rationale that all human beings have an innate desire to be happy and to overcome suffering, coupled with a desire for others to achieve this as well. It’s associated with a sense of commitment, responsibility, and respect toward the other.

In developing compassion one should begin with the wish that oneself be happy and free of suffering, and then take that natural feeling toward oneself and extend it out to include and embrace others.

In generating compassion the Dalai Lama suggests that you think of someone who is actually suffering and allow your natural response to arise: a natural feeling of compassion toward that person. Now think of how strongly you wish for that person to be free from that suffering, and resolve that you will help that person to be relieved from their suffering.

The altruism that arises from compassion is a key component of happiness. Several studies have shown that helping others can induce a calmer mind and a feeling of happiness. In a survey by Allan Luks conducted with several thousand people who were regularly involved in volunteer activities, over 90% of the volunteers reported the following:

  • A kind of “high” associated with the activity, characterized by a feeling of warmth, more energy, and a kind of euphoria.
  • After participating in the volunteer activity they had a distinct feeling of calmness and enhanced self-worth.

Conclusion

Despite all the loss he has experienced, nearly every time you see the Dalai Lama he’s either laughing or smiling. If you ask him whether he’s happy he answers “Yes” without hesitation. He emphasizes that happiness is built on the foundation of a calm, stable mind. The tips explained above are three of the ways he recommends to achieve ultimate happiness.

Another Day to Create

Today is another day to create my life. Today I have the opportunity to feel the way I want to feel and not let anyone decide for me. If the person cuts me off on the freeway they decided to be an idiot. They needed to be in front more than I needed to not let them. If my boss is a shit then they have a problem in their life they need to resolve. WHo am I to judge. If a child of mine is sad, I love them instead of taking it personal. WE all have choices of our perceptions. Although I might be way off in my perceptions from the truth…..but I would rather take a positive approach rather than be self destructive. I love waking up in the morning and hearing the birds, air breeze, cars, sirens, people and children making their way to work and so forth. I love to hear life. I love to see strangers smile. I love to feel the heat and cold. I am so in love with life. I want to share my choice and how I feel about it. I know others will appreciate my choices. I to love despite the negativity and the push back. We should always choose love. I am creating a beautiful day despite the challenges. I am choosing to write in this blog to communicate the love I feel for you even though I do not know you. If you were in front of me I would hug you and not ask for anything in return. This blog is paid for and it is for you. All I ask in return is your commitment to love others.

 

Have a Wonderful Day!