mindset

How do I help People be Happy? I have always been a person
that worries about people and why they are always in a bad mood or unhappy. I
have always taken it personal when people I know are sad or upset around me. It
is almost like they are my responsibility. I need to do something about it. I
can feel their emotions like if I was experiencing them. I have said it before…
I can walk into a room and immediately feel what person is feeling what, happy
or sad. It is an uncanny gift I guess. In reality we all have this ability
because we are all connected.

My Personal Happiness is a roller coaster ride to say the
least. I have more highs than lows. I used let myself suffer from depression
and let it get the best of me. I have control over it for the most part now.
For many years I did not know I was allowing myself to suffer from it. It was a
part of me that existed and I could not figure out how to reverse the emotions
I was experiencing for no reason. Emotions of insecurity and sadness. I have
been fortunate to have had wonderful friends and relatives. I have had great
experiences through my life up to this point. And some of the great experiences
could have been better if it was not for the mindset I took.

Struggling to influence others that I was perceiving as
negative towards me was a challenging task. I could be the happiest person in
the room, and someone could feel threatened by it or just not want to feel what
I was feeling, so they made it a point to not associate themselves with me. I
took it personal and let it affect my mood at the present moment. I had a
choice to not let it get to me or let it drag me down. Instead of continuing
with my mindset of happiness this became a trigger for the depressed side of
me. I would question my self-worth and think it was always my fault that
another individual would not want to associate themselves with me. This always
affected Me., I started to believe there was something wrong with me and I was
causing this. I could not get past that when it was happening.

Breakthroughs with my mindset challenges came when I had a 5
year stretch of tragedy and heartbreaks. I was at one of my lowest points in
life. I threw my hands up in the air and figured I had nothing left. I had did
not care about anyone or anything anymore other than my family. And some family
members I had to stay away from. I was at my lowest point. I was sick of being
in the cycle of sadness and disappointment. So I decided at that moment to just
be happy. It was one of the best decisions I made. I started to like the
genuine feeling of being happy every day. Eventually this practice of deciding
to be happy and planning my happiness every night before I went to bed became
easier and easier. I say it became easier because when you have been sad and
depressed for so long and you are trying to reverse the emotion, it is hard
work. It is in essence a drug addict going through detox.

I began to be mindful of the present moment more and more every
day. I would feel the rage and sadness began to overcome me as they were
approaching. I started to get addicted to the good feeling of happiness. I
started to get sick of the negative emotions that were populating my mind on a
daily basis. I started to curse at these thoughts. These thoughts would make me
angry, so angry I would began to laugh and cry out in joy to reverse the
emotion and feel good. I started to forgive myself every day. I started to
build on the small love I had for myself. I forgave everyone around me. I still
struggled and the past still tapped me on the shoulder telling me I wasn’t good
enough. I began to get sick of that voice, the voice of fear. No More!

Mentoring Throughout my life since I was 15 I have been
helping and people. It never mattered whether I was hurting or having problems
myself. As I got older it became a common tale to tell that I was helping so
many people through rough patches. My answer was always the same, you are
having problems because you are not happy. I was always asked how to figure out
their problem and I never felt comfortable with helping them figure it out. I
never did. I pushed my basic belief that if they are happy the problems will be
perceived differently and in most cases the problem no longer was a problem but
a normal part of life. A normal experience. A challenge they needed to move past
to learn from. They embraced who they were, what they were experiencing and
focused on being happy.

Disappointments vs successes are the balance we have to
accept. Not everyone wants to be helped and we have to understand that and not
take it personal. Keep the principles basic. Help people figure out how to be
happy. If you are the one unhappy….just work on being happy regardless of your
circumstances. We all have problems but we can be happy and not let the problems’
dictate our happiness. First admit the problem exists and be courageous enough
to admit or pinpoint the source. Therefore at least you know and be happy
through it. It will help the process.

Small victories are worthwhile. If you help one person out
of 10 or 20 people that is a great ratio. Be happy. Just make a difference in
one life. Be patient! Focus on the successes with that person and then
duplicate. If you are the one being helped focus on the successes in your goal
towards happiness. Build upon that feeling of happiness at any level and keep
at it focusing on the steps it took to get there.

Why I do This……

Because I love people. I am passionate in the idea that we
can all contribute to helping one another heal from a growing number of people
falling into depression every day. The numbers are staggering. We can reverse
this trend one by one. It takes courage and patience to help people. When we
help we will run into a lot of discouraging ideas and experiences. When we are
trying to heal and be happy we will have a challenge changing our addictive
mindset from negative to positive. It is possible. 

Am I depressed or am I Dealing with Depression?

That is a common question people ask me when they come to me for help when dealing with depression. Am I depressed? The question should always be, how can I be Happy? At least when you ask that question you are admitting you are not happy but you know the direction on which to focus on. Happiness. You have won half the battle when dealing with depression. Focus on wanting to be happy. Direct your energies towards that result. Asking, “why am I depressed?” is keeping in the state of mind of being unhappy. 

I am not a psychologist,
life coach nor am I a professional in any field behavioral science. I am a man
that has a passion for helping people and my life is committed to teaching
people how to be happy. My opinions and teachings have no agenda attached to
them other than this is what I want to do the rest of my life to give to
humanity. Right now there is so much suffering in this world that I think all
of us should contribute to the well-being of the world in some way. If the
majority of us will focus a portion of our daily lives towards this there will
be a dramatic change in consciousness.

There is a growing number of suicidal deaths in younger adults dealing with depression.(See Sucide among Youth Here) These individuals have not even given life a chance to develop into beautiful people. They are giving up on themselves. I have read children as young as 12 are taking their lives because of insecurity issues. A considerable percentage of these deaths are attributed to social media bullying. This is horrible. To me the social media aspect is out of my realm of understanding that a fake world is so influential in a young person’s life that they would take their lives. What was a fun activity of staying in touch with their friends turned into a threatening environment, as dangerous as walking in a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night. A virtual bad neighborhood. Weird! But very real along side with the stress of dealing with depression.

This is one aspect of a growing trend of dealing with depression in our world. Another growing area is in affluent adults. People with a lot of money. How the hell can they be unhappy? What triggers that part of them when they have everything? Why are these people dealing with depression? They have amassed a fortune in their careers and yet they seem to believe that they do not have anything. Is it Money cannot buy love? I have helped some individuals that have the financial freedom to go anywhere and be anything they want to be and they are unhappy [py. When posed with the question of why they are unhappy ultimately they give me that answer of being lonely. They alienate themselves from family and friends because they think everyone wants their money. Or in some cases they are ashamed because they are so “successful” they are embarrassed to be around others they know who are not in the financial situation they are in. They are not happy and cannot figure out why people in a lower financial class are more happy and abundant than they are. This fact alone haunts them and they search for external stimuli to replace the emptiness they feel from loneliness. They lie to themselves and surround themselves with superficial people and things as a substitute. This is very shallow and temporary. Eventually they realize the truth and fall in a deeper depression than before. 

First of all You have to “love Yourself” I know this is a cliché statement. This idea is very true. At least you have to accept who you are in your present reality. If you want to change this reality you have to know where you are starting from and focus on where you want to be. So instead of asking yourself “Am I Depressed?” you will start asking yourself “How can I be Happy?” Once this is figured out the work begins. It is hard work! This is a journey that never ends and always continues. When you figure out how experience victories through this work you will be addicted to the results and the problems in your life will seem ridiculous challenges that are overcome with joy. The sad and tragic moments in life will be what they are but you will appreciate the strength you receive from those experiences and can recover quicker. 

As I mentioned before, I
am just a regular person with a passion for helping people. You have decided to
read this far you have connected to some degree with what I have written. I
hope and pray you receive a message that can bring an answer to what you are
searching for. Read my other articles here. My style is very impromptu and
un-edited. I write as I think it and then post the shit out of it.

I Love You! I always have compassion for my fellow man and unconditional love for all the people hurting out there. Sometimes pain and suffering makes us do bad things especially when we are dealing with depression. That is where the unconditional part comes to play. There is a fine line. Only you know where it starts and ends.  

Please see my other articles on Depression.

Depression ( Five Signs of Suffering)

Clinical Depression 

Depression Treatment

Why don’t we live fearlessly? As I look back at my life I realize my experiences were created by me. At some point or another I set into motion a chain of events that were directly responsible for something happening to me. I was recounting this notion I had for many years that every new car I purchased was always christened with an accident within the first year. That is exactly what was happening. For quite a few years every new car I purchased ended up having an accident whether it be small or substantial. As I looked back at the first incident I realized that I immediately thought it bad luck when I was in my first accident after which I began to worry about being in a car accident. I worried so much that when I purchased my first new vehicle, I was paranoid about getting in an accident with my new car! I did!

Every flu season I worried about getting sick like everyone else. I dreaded having the nasal thing, the stomach thing, the everything! And what do you know I got sick! It’s like if my body had accepted the inevitable, agreed, complied and gave in.

In my career I worried always about business being so slow that I would be laid off from a company that never laid off in my position. I was laid off. I started to notice a trend in my thinking. At the time I did not know what it was. I had not been introduced into this way of thinking nor the science. I just knew I always received what I asked for. I started to think I was psychic! How funny is that? What I did not realize is that we all have this innate intuitive ability. We have the ability to create our experience. I was creating all this negativity in my life because I was worried about the worst case scenarios happening to me.

I have mentioned in my writings that I have suffered from depression. For the most part I have been free from that. I know it is a medical condition and I cannot do anything about it. I know it exists and will continue to exist if I do not do anything about it. I do not believe in taking medications for it and I have been criticized for sharing my thoughts on the way I believe depression can be dealt with. I truly feel if someone works towards changing their mindset anything is possible. We capable of so much. We can achieve miracles in our life. We have the capacity to heal ourselves. The majority of the world’s population does not know how to do this. We are conditioned to accept less than what we really are.

I see and hear so many people complain about how they have wasted their lives making mistakes and how they could have done things differently. I had the same philosophy. I realized that I have spent the last 50 years of my life learning who I am. No I am hurrying up to learn how to be courageous enough to live the life of the person that I truly am. I did not know how to live fearlessly.

I dream big. I have visions of myself being this bigger than life person being able to live fearlessly. At first I thought it was a fantasy that I could ever become this giant bigger than life person. As I started to explore this reality that is played out in my mind I began to accept how possible this person is if I just live my life without fear. Most of us try to live our life comfortable with no risk. We are so used to avoiding confrontation in our lives. Not the confrontation of violence, to live fearlessly is confrontational at its core.

Living fearlessly is living life listening to your passion. Working outside of the parameters doing something you love and enjoy life while doing it. That in itself is a risk worth taking….. Isn’t it? Think of your passion. If you can live doing what you love the rest of your life would it be worth a sacrifice of working your butt off to making it work? Where there is a will there is a way! Make it happen. Dream! Imagine yourself already doing it and believe in it with all your heart! Condition yourself into seeing that image every day. Don’t worry about how, Live Fearlessly!

Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness

Simply put Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, releases negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. What Forgiveness is not? Or different from?

• Failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness.
• Not holding the offender as responsible for the action.
• Granted by a representative of society, such as a judge.
• Removing awareness of the offense from consciousness.
• Removing awareness of the offense from consciousness.

Forgiveness is given without an agenda, expectation or to partake in any future exchange.

• In some instances the offender will acknowledge the victims forgiveness and offer the apology after. This would add to easing the transition of the victim from pain to peace of mind. It is not needed once the victim has made a choice to change the mindset or perception towards the situation.

Forgiveness is a mindset and in essence nothing else is needed. It is a choice to let the experience be a negative or not. It is a perception to allow the experience to bring forth pain or not. It is a choice to take on the experience as a life lesson and a reference point to reflect back on.

World Health, Medical, Behavioral Science research indicate that forgiveness promotes dramatic increased positive effects on the mind and body. People who release their resentment and negative feelings towards past events or experiences have increased benefits and less deterioration in cardio vascular and nervous systems. More positive results in a reduction of stress, physical manifestations of stress and increased vitality. People are less likely to be easily angered, hurt and be more optimistic through tough times.

Self-Forgiveness is another story. Environmentally we are conditioned to fear the accountability and to be responsible for our actions. Therefore we run from this “facing the music”. Keeping this guilt, resentment, regret and remorse towards our own actions is unhealthy. We are unhappy because we do not want to face the pain. We think that if we do not let it out and release it, out of embarrassment it is the lesser of the two evils. The embarrassment after acknowledgement is temporary. The pain and damaged caused by keeping this turmoil inside is life changing and permanent to the point of life threatening illnesses caused by the physical manifestation of stress.

• Releasing this pain is healthy. As I pointed out that the acknowledgment causes temporary pain after which you can work on restoring and renewal. It is like physical exercise, you have to work hard to see improvement. You have to sacrifice temporarily in order to see results. In exercise if you keep eating unhealthy and yet still know you are in denial… you will further deteriorate and can cause life threatening illnesses and up to death because of. The short term is to sacrifice, get in shape and then the long term is positive rewards of quality and longevity of life.

We need to love and forgive others. Let go of the pain and discomfort inside of us, It is so damaging. Focus on the good in your life. And if you think there is no good? Take stock. Write a list of the good things and bad things and compare. If your perceptions guide you to write a longer list for the bad things then start working on creating more good situations in your life. Start surrounding yourself with more positive people and remove yourself from the negative environments. There is a way for everything in life. It is now bad do you want it? How bad do you want to be happy? How much longer are you going to be making excuses to be unhappy? I spent a lifetime of helping people become happier and solving their issues with their perceptions, all along my perceptions needed work. I needed to be happier myself. I was not taking my own advice continuing to be in toxic situations and environments that did not help me grow. It is my faith in God that allowed me and drove me to continue to help people. But it was my own misunderstanding that I could apply what I teach to my own life.

(If you are suffering from depression then read my articles on depression) Clinical Depression , Depression Denial Treatment , Depression Facts & Statistics , How to Deal with Depression

As I searched deeper in my mind to why I was not happy the source of my despair was that I was not forgiving myself. I did not see myself as a good person. Because of my inability to love myself I was hurting people in my intimate relationships. What really struck a nerve is when the people I helped succeed in their happiness were the ones that ended up being my teachers and mentors to a happier life. That was rewarding and sad at the same time. I humbled myself and took the counsel and improved. We are an ever evolving species.

We are capable of so much. We are always hungry to learn something new and we thrive on receiving and giving Love. The only way to learn in life is to accept who we are and love ourselves. Forgiveness is a big factor in this journey to happiness. You will learn that once you decide to be happy, forgiveness is a key component to the journey you will take towards sustainable happiness. That is the hard work.

As always. I Love You.