I can only answer as it pertains to my life. I will never imply that my opinion or my experience can be applied to another.

There was a time when I could not look in the mirror because my self esteem was so low. I did not know it at the time but I was not happy. I could not figure out where this mindset came from. Nothing I did would take away that feeling. I blamed myself for this way of thinking. I was stumped because no matter what I tried I always had the same opinion of myself.

For one I did not know at the time that failure is a necessary path we need to follow in order to succeed. Secondly, I do not have the need to have something to justify loving myself. Happiness was just a decision and becoming someone else was in my control. I learned later in life that we learn everything as a child. We develop our preferences based on our environment. If you had a toxic environment as a youngster that experience and mindset is a part of your make up. You will gravitate towards that as an adult.

Once I found out how to love myself everything changed. I started with gratitude. Being thankful for what I have and who I was up to that point was powerful. Everyone has something to be thankful for. From there an individual can begin to change their mindset and opinion of themselves. I just decided one day to be happy and thankful. I practiced gratitude on a daily basis. I started to express my love for people around me that love me for me. I gave appreciation for people that accepted me for who I am. I naturally started to disassociate myself from the toxicity in my life.

I was never satisfied with myself because my expectations were that of what others though of me. I graded myself through other peoples perception of me. Or I assumed the expectations from another persons perceived opinion of me. This is a lie. It does not matter what another person thinks of who or what I am…. They do not share my mind body and spirit so their happiness is not in correlation to my own. I do not give a shit what they think. It drove me bananas worrying what others think of me.

This advice I can give, list all the good about yourself. List all the bad. When you look at the good be thankful. When you read the bad ask yourself why you wrote it. When you have the answer of why you wrote it ask yourself if it is another persons expectation or yours. If it is your expectation…. then change the perception and accept where you are at that moment, fail until you improve and calling it training for a marathon. In order to run a marathon you have to gradually build your mileage and endurance. I know I am making the process sound so simple. It is. The work is painful, but the work is needed to improve.

I hope this helps.