At the core of our life is our intent on finding a purpose and where do we fit in. Where do we fit in this world and our environment? We spend a lifetime searching for this very specific answer. Sadly there are others that just exist. To a majority of people that is just fine. That mindset to me is such an empty and lonely state of being. For those of us that think we are all here for a purpose and searching and seeking out this purpose it is a monumental undertaking if you are surrounded by idiots. Idiots is a harsh word. But let me re-phrase…..Sad People.
Honestly all kidding aside this world is full of people that are just existing. For many years since I was a child I thought my life was a happy life, an upbringing with loving and nurturing people. I thought that no one was out to hurt me. As I grew older that fantasy was met with reality when the memories started to trickle in. I would come across experiences as an older child, or triggers that would help me recall very negative and challenging experiences. The reason I did not realize they were bad during the experience is because as a child we are innocent and naïve and think our current experience is a norm. We do not have anything else as a base, our experience is limited. We have only new experiences with no judgement. As we mature through different stages we began to learn right from wrong. Then our past takes on a new life. We start to come across new experiences not so comfortable and then relate those new experiences with old, and it will trigger the past experience as it is happening in real time.
Experiences from childhood and forward shape our character. Our initial environmental experience will pre-determine our future decisions. WE will carry our fears predicated upon those past experiences. We will wonder why we have phobias, and resistance when we are challenged. We will create a life for ourselves based on those fears. We will create a safe place through our lives avoiding similar feeling experiences. Any emotion or feeling that is even remotely similar and attached to a current experience is a warning sign to us to stay away.
Life is full of challenges and we have to be strong in the face of all the adversity that we face in order to grow. If we are generally happy these adverse situations will be easier to face. If we listen to our voices telling us that the past negative experiences will be repeated if we embark on new experiences that have a risk associated to it, we will always find a safe place to reside and never move forward challenging ourselves to grow by overcoming.
Fear is not a reality. There is no justification for it. (False Evidence Appearing Real)The cure is not giving a fuck about your past and living life with faith that God will provide the safe haven and promise to you that you are a powerful being full of love. Love yourself and be fearless. Try anything and everything. THAT is how you will find your PURPOSE.
Be Good. I Love You.
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Happiness is Overrated. That is what I have been told recently. I have been told that what I have just started is a waste of time. That it is corny and it is out of my character. I have been told that the YouTube videos I have recorded are creepy and no one will watch. All of that might be true in their perspective, but from my perspective I don’t give a flying you know what they think. I know that I am doing something that will connect with one or two people that are too shy to ask for help. They internalize life in a very different way that is not healthy and they are trapped.
I am not a professional and I never claimed to be. I never claimed to have the answers to your problems. All I have is my heart and soul to express through the mediums I choose. There are so many people to reach that need to be loved. I have taken it upon myself to make myself available to whoever NEEDS to listen. If all I am is a stepping stone to opening up their eyes to something much more helpful then I have done my work. If I can encourage some of you that read this to help others as well then I will be proud to have sacrificed my time and money for this cause.
Depression and sadness is so common among us. We are all hurting souls. We all need a voice in our ear of encouragement. If I am beating a dead horse to all of you about this having a choice to be happy then let it be so. Sometimes I doubt myself and my efforts, the little voices get in my head and they are lies. I start to believe that I am not good enough. I have struggled in the past with severe insecurity which caused me to look for validation through other ways in my life. Ways that were not so healthy for my soul and the people that I love.
We all suffer when a loved one is afflicted with a disease or depression. We all are connected to one another on so many levels. We have to be aware of who we hurt when we are selfish and only think of ourselves.If you are reading this and I have hurt you in some way….I know what I did, I am truly sorry for my selfishness. All I can tell you is I am getting better and working on me everyday. I am loving everyone that I am capable of loving, learning how to release all hurt, guilt and regret to move forward. In order to be there for other people we have to let go of the self deprecation. We have to cleanse our souls on a daily basis. We have to stop blaming others for our hurts and failures. We have to stop thinking of our challenges as failures and count on the lesson that we learned to be there for the next challenge in life.
I love to ramble when I write. I love to get it all out. I love to not plan my thoughts. I am learning. I am learning to transition this way of thinking to my videos. I am so in love with all of my friends, relatives, children, grandchildren that I owe them my life for always being there. I am still alive today because I have not given up on them. I have not made the decision to leave this hurting world. I will be here for all of you because I love you. It is easier to be miserable, give up, make excuses, run away, walk out, turn your back, cry in shame, than to stand firm in your convictions, accept yourself for who you are, make a bold brave step forward and love unconditionally. We all deserve that level of love and we all deserve to experience giving that love.
Where do we go from here? Forward. Love!
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