Another venting post for me. What I mean is that occasionally, I need to speak bluntly and honestly. I teach people how to find their happiness yet right now at this moment I am bland in emotion. Sometimes I get burned out from carrying people. I go to work most of my office is unhappy and or complaining about something in their lives. On the way to work I see people angry ready to jump out of their cards just because someone made a lane change in a lane that is merging anyway.

I open social media to post positive captions and pictures only to see most of the content people are putting out is negative passive aggressive in nature. I open my phone to glance at the days news just in case a meteor is on its way and see more negative articles than anything positive. Employees come to me with ridiculous excuses for failing and not showing up or being late. This gets to me sometimes. And I teach “you cannot control the external, but you can control the perception of your environment” what the fuck is that all about. I need to stop teaching that bullshit. I need to stop teaching about gratitude and happiness. How I should always feel happy and positive when the world around me is falling apart.

The truth is I am a sad and my heart bleeds that I cannot reach everyone. I can only love and find one person that I might be able to help. Do I feel these things I just articulated? Yes, for sure and more! But I choose to show more love when I get this buried in shit from the world. It is worth it. I do get criticized. People avoid me. I stop relations with people that are too negative for my taste. I notice I do not get invited to certain functions because I make people uncomfortable because they feel guilty when I stand for their opposite feeling. I am ok with that.

I choose to be happy. I choose to be positive. I am a recovering asshole and idiot, so I can spot them a mile away. I deal with them every day. I laugh in their face when they think they are fooling me taking advantage of my kindness and mistaking it for my weakness. I love them. I share with them my compassion because I know even though they are pieces of shit I know they are in pain and are experiencing loneliness and insecurity, fear and a sense of loss and abandonment.

I do this for no other reason or agenda other than not giving up on someone that might see what I am trying to share. I’ll take a 1 out of 10 ratios. Ill take the risk. I show love. Is it easy? NO! but you adjust and move forward.